A quick update: I lost three pounds the first week, but then gained it back when I went to visit family over the holiday weekend. I only get to eat my grandmother's cooking once or twice a year, so I was not about to nuke a JC entree when there was real food to be had. My main weight loss stumbling block seems to be exercise right now. It's just too hot (for the baby) to walk much. The early mornings and late evenings are not a good time to get the baby out, so I just take really short walks in the mid-morning. It's just not enough. The other stumbling block in my state of mind. I remember when I started JC the first time, it took about three weeks before I really felt positive about the whole thing. I resented it all at first, and I'm having a repeat of that now. I don't WANT to do this! At my first weigh-in, I wasn't even excited about the three pounds. I felt that three pounds had no business being there in the first place, so it damn well better make itself scarce. There was no feeling of accomplishment--only a feeling of taking a small step out of hole. But I'm still in the hole. I feel that my focus is on Chandler, and there's just not enough left of my personal motivation to devote to weight loss. I"m only doing it out of fear and disgust, not empowerment, you know? I just hope and pray some kind of mental shift occurs . . . soon.
Since I last posted, I went back to my "clean eating" plan. I shopped at Whole Foods and avoided the drive-thru along with white flour and ice cream. As you can see from my weight graph, this was entirely unsuccessful. I started gaining weight rapidly. Apparently I was just eating too much of these healthy foods. In the course of my pregnancy I had lost all sense of proper portions.
When I started growing out of the fat clothes I bought after I had the baby I knew I was in trouble. I was about to be BIGGER than I was when I started this journey two and a half years ago. This is ENTIRELY unacceptable. I really got depressed and knew that I had to do something drastic.
I started thinking about that time in my life and what had made me successful the first time around. Yoga was one, so I made a committment to return to class at least twice a week and got my husband to agree to take the baby at those times. The second thing was Jenny Craig. It was easy.
The first time around, I transitioned off of JC to the Ultrametabolism plan because I wanted a truly healthy body free of the artificial junk found in processed and convenience foods. It worked for me because I committed a lot of time to shopping and food preparation. However, my life is completely different now. I have the same desire to lose weight and get healthy. But with an infant in the house, I simply don't have the time and predictability of routine to do Ultrametabolism properly right now. I need ease and convenience.
Enter Jenny Craig, Part Deux. I went back Saturday and bought the boxes again--something I said I would never do. I debated over it for about a week beforehand. I didn't want to go back to eating all that processed food, but eventually I had to tell myself to get over it. I had to remind myself that getting the fat off is the first step. I have to get my metabolism moving and the graph headed downward. NOW! Once I get my stomach trained to eat less, I'll go back to thinking more about what I put in it.
I was pleased by my first visit back. The manager I like was still there and the whole place looked better. Apparently the center was bought out by the corporate offices and they had made a lot of changes, including (apparently) actually TRAINING the consultants. (Those of you who are longtime readers of mine may remember my disgust with the pitiful string of consultants I had the first time around.) My consultant was a young woman who used to weigh 280 lbs and now looks like any sorority girl you might pass on the street. She's very gung ho on the plan and seems to know it fairly well.
The only thing I see being a problem is the look she gave me when I told her I don't eat artificial sweetener or non-organic dairy. She had NO idea why anyone would feel that way. This came up in a discussion of yogurt. I can't eat the brands she recommended and was explaining to her why I have to eat my brand and find a way to factor in the extra sugar calories somewhere else. She definitely doesn't seem to be in favor of me trying to tweak the plan to suit my needs, but she'll just have to get over it. She doesn't realize, of course, how much knowledge of nutrition I have and that I can be trusted to make substitutions and changes without blowing it. I really hope she doesn't try to give me a hard time.
So wish me luck, friends. I hope to be popping up here at least once a week from now on. I could really use some encouragement, as the life of a (temporarily) Stay At Home Mom is pretty isolated.
Three weeks after delivering my special package, it’s time to assess the damages—to my body, that is.
The weight issue is daunting. At my first doctor’s appointment, I had only lost 10 pounds since she was born, and she weighed 8 lb. 10 oz.! Now, here I sit only 19 pounds down, and I have a feeling that’s where the fluid-shed will end. That leaves me with appx. 35 pounds to lose to get back to where I was before I got pregnant. Sheesh.
My physical condition has nowhere to go but up. With my activity restricted for most of my pregnancy, every muscle I have is at its lowest strength. The only positive thing I can report is that my c-section is healing fairly well and I can now lift myself from lying in bed to sitting with my abs—something I haven’t been able to do for months now. Hey, I can actually get in and out of the bathtub without assistance! (this is what passes for excitement for me right now . . .)
I went for my first walk Saturday morning and made it all of two blocks before getting tired and turning around. It took me 20 minutes to walk what would have taken me about 5. Not deterred, however, I let my stir-craziness get the best of me and suggested a family outing to the state park later that afternoon. We packed up the baby for her first trip out and found a paved trail so we could stroll. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it very far and it was a brief trip. Then, I woke up Sunday morning, and I was actually sore (!). My leg muscles were screaming at me, “Hey, what happened to that life of leisure?”
I tried some light gardening Sunday, but my back wasn’t having it. The flats of flowers are still sitting on the porch. I just have to adjust to the fact that I can’t do what I want, and everything has to happen in stages.
One of the first stages I have to address is the mental shift regarding food. I’ve got to get back into the healthy eating mode. Right now, I’m in the “Eat Whatever Someone Puts In Front of Me” mode. Now that life is getting more back to (the new) “normal,” I have to put the take-out and the Stouffer’s entrees back on the shelf. Yesterday at the grocery store, I put back several sweets with the admonition to myself that I am no longer pregnant and do not have cravings as an excuse. I did buy some chocolate pudding, however, so the battle is not won. I did buy whole grain bread. Hey, people . . . baby steps.
There are a lot more bad eating habits I have to break, and as soon as I have the time to cook again and can go to the grocery store by myself, I will be rejoining the Ultrametabolism plan. I’m actually looking forward to it. I haven’t forgotten what it feels like to eat clean and exercise. It’s been soooo long since I felt good.
When I was walking Saturday and shuffling down the dogwood-lined street, I said to myself, “Less than a year ago, you were running down this sidewalk. You’ve got to get back to that feeling of triumph again.” I feel confident. I did it once, and I know I can do it again. There are definitely more obstacles this time (baby!), but I don’t really feel like I have a choice. This jiggle deflated balloon on my belly makes me sick, and I cannot live a life where every glance in the mirror makes me ill.
So, stay tuned, and I’ll be showing up here more and more in the coming weeks as I dig my way out of this hole.
DH finally got his camera back from the repair shop--coincidentally the same day I was actually dressed decently, since we were going out for Valentine's Day. So, the obligatory "great with child" shot was snapped. Enjoy.
I had my regularly scheduled baby doctor appointment yesterday and was pleased that I had only gained 3/4 of a pound in two weeks. My belly measurement had grown, so that means the baby's putting on weight, but I'm not. Yay! I really would like to keep my weight below 210 for the duration. I put on so much at the beginning that I can afford to hold back now as long as the baby is growing on schedule. I am so freakin' uncomfortable right now that I can't endure another pound of fat weighing me down. My joints ache something terrible.
The bad news is that I have low blood pressure and dehydration. This has led to some near fainting spells. I have a hard time believing that I'm dehydrated (though I am thirsty all the time) because I drink water constantly all day long--way more than I ever did before. Today, I'm making an attempt to double my liquids. I've had two stadium cups of water this morning, and plan to drink another one at lunch. Of course this leads to me having to leave my students unattended every 25 minutes or so to run to the restroom. Sigh.
The last couple of weeks have seen massive changes to my body--none of them good. Those of you who want to see pictures of me pregnant can just hang it up, because I have no desire to remember what I look like at this moment. I went from people not thinking I was pregnant to looking like the U.S.S Baby in the last few weeks. Now people look at me and can't believe I've got two more months to go because I'm so huge that I look like I could deliver at any moment.
It's not the baby lump that has me down: it's all the collateral damage that comes with it. The worst of it is that a lot of it seems permanent: the stretched skin on upper arms and thighs and the explosion of varicose and spider veins all over one leg. Oh, and the wider feet than may never fit into my expensive shoes again. I've been trying to think about how I can possibly get my body back into any kind of acceptable shape.
I'm afraid that after the baby is born I just won't be able to find the time or emotional energy to devote the kind of work necessary to get back on track. As some of you may remember, my metabolism is super slow and I require a lot of exercise to drop even the slightest amount of weight.
I'm already so exhausted from just trying to make it through the day with this massive load. I find it hard to believe that I actually used to carry this amount of weight around on my body all the time. However, this time it's not as evenly distributed and limits my ability to take deep breaths and get enough oxygen to my brain. Combine that with never sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night. If I try to do yoga, I get really light headed and just wind up collapsing into a panting heap. Useless.
I try to imagine how miserable I would be now if I HADN'T lost weight and exercised before my pregnancy. I just can't picture myself weighing, oh, 250 pounds right now. I probably would have had serious complications. I hear people say sometimes that there's no point in losing weight when they're just planning to get pregnant soon. Might as well wait until it's over and lose it all at once. I jump in immediately and tell them that is crazy talk. I really regret that I still had 20 pounds to lose when I got pregnant. That 20 pounds is really adding to my misery right now and is hanging oh-so unattractively around my lower belly, taking away any pregnancy "cute factor" I might have had.
On the food front, I'm trying to stay away from processed sweets and fast food. I'm managing it 80 percent of the time when there's a choice involved. At the very least I am sworn to not eat french fries again. I'm eating a yogurt a day with flaxseed mixed in for fiber, omega-3s, and good bacteria. It's like medicine. I'm also trying to eat at least two pieces of whole fruit every day to add more fiber and stave off the sweets cravings. It gets expensive though. I'm still having no luck with the vegetables. It's not that I wouldn't eat them if they were put in front of me, but I'm just not into any extensive food prep or cooking right now. I eat a lot of sandwiches.
Well, that's all the bitching I have to offer at the moment. Stay tuned . . .
I went to the doctor yesterday for an extended battery of tests/shots. I had failed my initial glucose screening and had to go back in for the three-hour test to see if had gestational diabetes.
Those of you who have been following my progress may know that one of the main reasons I began my weight-loss journey in the first place was to be able to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy. One of my main fears was gestational diabetes. So, when I failed my initial screening, I was bummed.
That first screening, combined with the scale topping 200 a few days before made me realize the pregnancy eating "feastival" had to come to an end. I set myself a goal that by my next appointment, I would not have gained more than a pound and that my blood sugar would be steady.
I am happy to report that I achieved my first mini-goal: my weight stayed the same and my sugar was excellent (not even borderline.) I am REALLY relieved. Having gestational diabetes will make my child prone to obesity her whole life. How could I let that happen when I know what it's been like?
It's really a huge emotional burden to now know that my food choices don't affect just me. This will continue after she if born, of course. I talked to DH last night about training her taste buds. I read that the less sweetened foods she eats at first, the better. One book I read says that babies should be fed things like plain yogurt, which you can add fruit to. It said that the more tart or bitter foods she's exposed to, the more likely she is to like vegetables later. I expressed to him how important it is that for the first couple of years, she not even taste any pre-sweetened foods or fast food while she is developing her palate. (We'll make an exception for birthday cake, of course!)
I also hinted to him that he can't eat junk food in front of our child and expect her to understand why she can't have it. Hiding things like ice cream and cookies is easy. But what about when he's eating frozen pizza for dinner while Baby and I are having brown rice and fish? I don't want to punish him, but I really feel he's going to have to indulge in all junk outside of the house, which allows him anything he wants for lunch. Does that seem fair to you all?
I read that babies will not like everything you feed them, of course. However, they can develop a healthier palate based on what parents feed them from day one. I'm going to do my best to get her started in the right direction.
*By the way, check out our latest baby pic in the gallery.
Greetings and Salutations. I am back at work today after what seemed like a very short break. We did a few days of Christmas family stuff, then went to Chicago for a few days.
Our friends up there had been buying up baby stuff on Craigslist for us, so we had to go pick it up. While we were there, we also went to IKEA, which I consider the most awesome store on earth. Everything is so cool looking yet inexpensive. (If they can do it, why can't Wal-Mart?) We packed the car within an inch of its life and hauled it all back to Memphis. We are now officially ready to start putting together the nursery. We bought a dresser and closet organizers. Now . . . if we only had the things that go in the dresser drawers and on the closet shelves . . .
Even though we didn't spend a lot of money on food while we were there, I did manage to drift into every bakery I came across. It's really so nice to have a temporary reprieve from extreme dieting. However, 10 pastries later, I am trying to cut down on the carbs and sugar.
I go for my mandatory glucose screening next week sometime, and I do not want to be in the danger zone. Developing gestational diabetes is a serious risk that would take me out of work, which would be disastrous for me, seeing as how I have no more days off for the rest of the school year. So, last night I got out my Ultrametabolism book and made a loose eating plan for the week. I'm not going to worry about portions, but I am going to eat from that menu and try to avoid things extra treats like chocolate, cookies, and ice cream. I looked for recipes with ingredients high in DHAs for the baby's brain development, like flax, avocados, and eggs.
I expect to see the scale hit 200 at my monthly appointment Friday. (BTW--I'm not going to chart my current weight until after the baby is born.) It's pretty frightening, and I really need to try to curtail any unnecessary weight gain from this point on. Actually, I'm starting to get so uncomfortable that I'm a little more motivated. My knees hurt and I can barely walk up a flight of stairs without taking a break. Plus, I've started snoring again and my acid reflux is back--both things that had disappeared with weight loss.
A few recent comments have made me a little self-conscious about my weight gain. No fewer than three people said to me over the holidays that I didn't look pregnant. HUH???? I've gained 40 pounds! One of those people hadn't seen me for two years and probably thought I looked slimmer than I did the last time she saw me. But just yesterday a check-out clerk at Home Depot told me that.
I guess if I don't look pregnant, I must just look fat! So sad . . . Maybe I should start wearing more trapeze tops that say "Baby on Board!"
I just can't do it. Shop, that is. First I tried ordering some stuff online, but it seemed every site I went to had some kind of technical difficulties. Since I'm pregnant and, therefore, impatient and cranky, I just quit.
So, this weekend I tried the mall. Well, that lasted about 20 minutes. I was so tired and couldn't focus on anything. Shopping takes mental and physical effort, and I just don't have any of that stuff right now. Plus, the crowds are insane and I'm cautious about taking an elbow to the gut right now.
I don't know what to do. I think I've missed the window for online shopping and I can't face another crowded store. Sigh. The only "people" I've bought anything for are my dogs. Pitiful.
I think all pregnant people should be exempt from Christmas.
